


Brother?

by zsomeone



Series: 636 [4]
Category: Metalocalypse
Genre: M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-10
Updated: 2017-02-10
Packaged: 2018-09-23 06:14:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9644021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zsomeone/pseuds/zsomeone
Summary: Charles has been doing a lot of thinking about how Skwisgaar and Jamie could possibly look so much alike.  He did some digging into Serveta’s past.  Now he has suspicions, and he wants to confirm them.Because sometimes Charles thinks too much, I dunno, I just felt like writing more Jamie.  My brain doesn’t often feel like writing, so it gets what it wants.  Lost of Skwisgaar and Toki too.This mentions some things from One Chance, so if you want more info you can read that, but you don’t have to.  Charles still hasn’t gotten over being mad about all that.Not bothering to tag the others because they just have a cameo.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Since I wrote One Chance before Doomstar and they turned out to be very different, Jamie’s storyline is officially AU at this point.

Skwisgaar was in his room when he got the call from Jamie. “Ja?”  
“Hey, Ofdensen just called me and asked me to meet him in his office to discuss some things, do you know anything about this?”  
“No? Dat’s fucksing weird, grabs you’s belt and I’ll meets you dere. Be me until I says udderwise, jus’ in case.”  
“Got it. See you in a couple minutes.”

Ofdensen opened his door to find two Skwisgaars. He realized he should have known this would happen. With a sigh, he motioned them inside and closed the door.  
They sat on the couch. It always annoyed him to no end that he couldn’t tell them apart when Jamie was doing his act. He knew that even the band, even Toki, couldn’t tell them apart, but he still felt that he should somehow be able to. Still, that extreme sameness gave his theory more weight.  
“Skwisgaar, I was hoping to talk to Jamie alone first.” They both shrugged, he gave up. “Fine then.”

“Why ams we here?”  
“Ja, what ams dis big importants t’ing?”  
“Jamie, would you drop it? I just need to ask you some questions.” He didn’t know which to look at, so he settled for somewhere in between.  
“First be tellings us what dis ams about.”  
“How does we knows dis amn’ts a tricks?

“Fine, have it your way, you always do. Skwisgaar, I have reason to believe Jamie might be your, ah, brother.”  
They were both speechless at that, and he was disappointed to see that Jamie still didn’t break character.  
“Skwisgaar, he looks too much like you, he may very well be related. Your mother dropped out of the public eye for about a year, a few years before your birth. One theory was that she’d had a baby. A few questions could clear all of this up, guys.”  
They exchanged looks. Sometimes he wondered if they could read each other’s minds, but that seemed unlikely.

“Fines, but I stays. And Jays doesn’t has to answers if he doesn’t wants to.”  
They were suddenly very easy to tell apart. Jamie gave him a curious look, “What makes you think that? Just that we look alike? Because you know damn well I had some surgeries to make it this close.”  
“You even have all the same mannerisms. Well, most of the time anyway. And the same height and build.”  
“It’s called _acting_ , I was never a big name but I was good at what I did.”

“About that, what have you even been in? How do I know that’s not just a story?”  
“I use a different name professionally, which I’m not telling you, and I’ve only done a couple movies since I took this job, most of it was when I was younger.”  
“I didn’ts even know you ams still doesing movies!” Skwisgaar was slightly offended that he hadn’t been told.  
“Well you never said I couldn’t, and my agent called me for a couple parts. Just my usual stuff, don’t worry.”

Suddenly it was all too clear to Charles. “You’re a porn star. I should have known...”  
Skwisgaar dissolved into laughter.  
Jamie snorted, “No! God no, if you see any Skwisgaar porn, that’s not me! In most of my roles you can’t even see my real face.”  
“Care to explain that further?”

Jamie considered it, he really didn’t like giving much personal information. And he’d never really trusted Ofdensen, and knew that feeling was mutual. Things had been tense between them ever since Toki’s rescue a while back. But he could give him a little, “You know Doug Jones? I’m _one_ of the people they call when they can’t even think about affording him.”  
“Oh, monster movies.” He did have the build for that sort of thing, and at least it wasn’t porn. Charles realized he’d probably gotten all the information he would on that particular tangent, which wasn’t even why he’d called this meeting in the first place.

“Can we gets back to why de fucks you ams t’inking he ams mine brothers? And I t’inks you has to tests de dads for dat? I gots no idea who mine even ams, remembers we tries to finds out but we never dids.”  
“They also make sibling test kits, we don’t need a parent for this. And we can get your mother’s DNA, if further testing is necessary.”  
“I’m pretty sure he’s not my brother.” Jamie shrugged, “And so what if he is, what are you going to do, transfer me to Dethklok Australia?”  
Ofdensen gave him an annoyed glare. He tolerated snark from the band, and no one else.

“You ams forgettings de parts where I ams an onlies child, you knows.”  
“That you know of.” Charles pointed to him, then opened a folder in his lap. “Jamie, I want to ask you about some of this information you filled out.”  
He’d partially filled out an employee sheet years ago, leaving most of it blank. “What in particular?”  
“This says you have no living relatives. Is that correct?”  
“My mom died when I was little, and my dad when I was in high school.”

Charles made a note. “Who did you live with after that?”  
“Nobody. I was seventeen when my dad died, the system left me alone. And I’ve never been married, and you don’t need to know about anything else.”  
“Fine. Is this birth date correct, at least?”  
“I don’t know.”

They both looked at him in confusion, how did someone not know their own birthday? Charles motioned for him to elaborate.  
“It’s at least close, okay? I was left at a hospital as an infant, they took a guess.”  
“So you were adopted. Do you know where you were born? In Michigan, right? Which hospital it was?”  
Jamie shook his head, “I’m not even telling which _continent_ , Ofdensen. And I _grew up_ in Michigan, close enough.”  
“You still don’t trust me.” It wasn’t a question.  
“It’s mutual, and I have plenty of reasons not to.”

“Can you guys maybes not kills each udder today? And explains why you ams t’inking my moms ams his moms.”  
“It’s all circumstantial at this point! Your mother was rumored to have had a baby before you, he’s the right age, he was adopted, he looks like you, acts like you. A simple test would prove it one way or the other.”  
“You probably want to kill me and harvest my organs so Skwis has a spare set.” Jamie raised an eyebrow, daring Ofdensen to deny it. “No, I don’t want you to have my DNA on file.”  
“What makes you think I don’t already?”  
“What makes you so sure you do?” Jamie countered, knowing where the problem was.

Charles gave in, he’d indeed been bluffing. There had been a couple paternity tests, lawsuits where the waiver had been neglected, but none had matched. He didn’t know who had actually taken the tests, or if the children in question had belonged to either of them in the first place. It wasn’t uncommon for people to try to claim a member of Dethklok had fathered their child, to try to cash in on that. But those tests had been run by the court, so he’d never had the samples anyway, and they’d since been destroyed. “You’re not curious, at least?”  
“Ja I ams, but it’s up to Jays. If he don’ts wants to, fines wit’ me. And amns’t like it changes anyt’ing.”  
“I’m not curious enough to trust you,” Jamie stated bluntly.

Charles turned on him, “Don’t talk to me about trust, not after you impersonated an actual Klokateer and jeopardized the safety of the band _I’m_ responsible for! What if someone had killed Toki on your watch?”  
“Stops!” Skwisgaar stood, getting between them. “It wasn’ts him.”  
“Skwisgaar, I know it was, he admitted everything. Sit down!”  
“We lets you t’ink dat! _I_ was de guards, nots Jays! De whole damn times!”

They could see the manager trying to think back. Jamie looked at Skwisgaar, who just shrugged. Well if he wanted to come clean about it all, he’d go along with it.  
Charles, knowing Jamie wouldn’t confess anything unprompted, turned back to Skwisgaar, “So what was his _actual_ part in all that?”  
“It was mine plan, he goes wit’ me. It was alls me. He drives, helps me ties up Magnus, helps me caries Toki to de cars. Dat’s all. Oh, and I gets him to sets it up so I can gets in de rooms.”  
“But you were upstairs the whole time...” he looked at Jamie, who grinned, “Of course, I see it now.”

“Is it safe to assume you no longer want to kill me for that?”  
“Well, not for that, no. One more question, about what was done to Magnus? Was that your work?”  
“That was all Skwisgaar, I waited in the car with Toki. And I didn’t ask for details.”  
“Well goods talk, ja?” Skwisgaar didn’t want to go over that again, and was hoping to change the subject.

It worked, Ofdensen veered back on topic. “So about this DNA test, can I schedule it?”  
“No, I don’t want you to have any way to prove who I am the next time you want to kill me.”  
“I can already prove it! You can’t play guitar!”  
“Actually, I can.” Not very well, not good enough (compared to Skwisgaar) to even count, but he wasn’t going to elaborate on that.  
“Pfft, you don’ts t’ink we’s gots a plan for dat? You can’ts prove anyt’ing.”

Ofdensen really hated not having control of this situation, or _any_ situation for that matter, but this was the one currently annoying him. He took a moment to remove his glasses and rub his eyes.  
That was a mistake. When he looked back up they’d moved, and he could no longer tell them apart, again. He hated it _so_ much when they did that.  
“You knows, if dat ams all de reasons you gots for t’inking we ams brothers, you mights as well be testing half do populations of Sweden,” one said.  
“Ja, dey gots lots of tall blonds dere. And you ams excludsings de ladies, even if mine moms did has a babys you don’ts know it was a boys,” added the other.

Charles gave up trying to sort them out. “True. Call it curiosity, I still want to test you both.”  
One of them surprised him with a possible solution. “What is we does de tests, but no names, and also a bunches of de gears takes it too?”  
“What would that prove?” Charles wasn’t sure where this was going.  
“If nones of dem matches, we’s not brothers. If some matches, we t’inks abouts it some mores.”  
“And we picks de gears and gives de tests so you don’ts even knows which ones dey ams.”

“Fine. I’ll order twenty tests, make sure two of them are yours.”  
“No, fifties!”  
“Waits no, one hundreds!”  
“I’ll accept fifty, no higher. Done, I’ll call Skwisgaar when the kits arrive. Now get out of here.”

Charles made more notes as they left, still being identical. He knew Jamie was doing it on purpose, mocking him and his inability to tell them apart, which was one of the reasons he didn’t like that man.  
However, whichever one of them who had made the point about their features being a regional thing was correct, this might be all for nothing.  
And yes, of course he’d like some concrete way to be able to confirm beyond a doubt which one was Jamie. He hated the degree of power that not knowing held over him.  
Really, he hated having anything at all held over him.

*****

They ran into Toki just outside the door, he must have somehow heard something was up. Seeing two Skwisgaars when there was no one else in sight confirmed it for him. “Oh noes! What happens?”  
“Comes to mine room and we explains,” one of them told him.  
“Dis hall’s gots eyes, you knows. Can’ts be too carefuls.”  
Toki turned and followed them to Skwisgaar’s room.

Once inside with the door closed, Jamie dropped the act. “Sorry man, we’re not sure exactly where Ofdensen’s going with this, so we’re being extra careful.”  
Skwisgaar flopped down across his bed. “He t’inks we ams brothers, for somes reason. He wants us to gets testing.”  
“Oh wowie, you mights be brothers?!”  
“Pretty sure we’re not.” Jamie sat on the foot of the bed, then Toki sat between them.

“If mine moms did has anudder kid t’ough, I probablies has a much luck findings dem as I did mine dads.”  
“Unless Jamie is you’s brother. But thens that woulds mean....” He made a face, “eew.”  
Jamie shrugged. “Yeah, I already though about that. Can’t do anything about it now though.”  
“What ams you talksing abouts?” Skwisgaar suddenly sat up. “Waits, does he knows about..? Shit, he does, I forgots you tolds him alls dat crap.”

Toki grinned, “You know what they says-“  
“Toki, don’ts you dare says it!”  
“Incest is the bests, puts you’s brother to the tests!”  
“Godsdamnit, Toki.” Skwisgaar flopped back down on the bed.

Jamie actually laughed, then high fived Toki. “Well if we go by that, I guess it proves we’re not related then, because I can say that definitely weren’t the best.”  
Skwisgaar gave them disapproving looks. “Oh t’anks, insults mine skills in bed nows.”  
“I’m sure your skills are fine, but I’m just not at all into guys. Sorry, not my thing, nothing you can do about that part.”

“You’s skills is just fines.” Toki patted Skwisgaar’s thigh. “Oh shits, what if that means we’s brothers?!”  
Skwisgaar groaned and threw an arm across his eyes. “Don’ts even be jokesing abouts dat, Toki. Besides, he says dey woulds be Jay’s age, you ams too youngs.”  
“But I wants to do the tests too!”  
“Sure why not, Ofdensen doesn’t care who we give them to. You might as well take one.”

“Waits, we doesn’t wants dem to knows what we’s doing. Toki, ams you friends wit’ any of de gears?”  
“Guys?” Jamie snapped his fingers. “Unofficial gear right here, I’ve got this. None of them know I’m not a real one. Seriously, how do you even forget that?”  
“You ams too much me halfs de times. I guess?”  
“Yeah, you’s just Jamie to us.”

Jamie got up and grabbed a spare hood from Skwisgaar’s stash of them and took off his belt. “Well I should go, let me know when the kits come in.”  
“Waits!” Toki remembered to be worried about other things, he’s gotten sidetracked for a bit. “Why’s you worrieds about the tests?”  
Skwisgaar answered instead, “We t’inks de robots wants his DNAs so he can be proving which one of us he ams.”  
“He’s still mads? You wants me to kicks his ass?”

“Pfft no, you can’ts fights him. Robots, remember? And ja he ams still mad, even t’ough I tells him it was me in de rooms.”  
“I’m pretty sure he thinks you’re lying to cover for me again, not like you haven’t done it before.”  
“Then I tells him!”  
“Thanks Toki, but he wouldn’t believe you either. He knows we’re friends. Guys, it’s fine. Call me when it’s time, or if something comes up.” Jamie put on the hood and left.

Toki was still worried. “Whats if Charles does somethings to him? How’s you knows he won’ts?”  
“He won’ts does anyt’ing, even if he ams wansting to, until he gots de results. Jays should be safes enough untils den.”  
“I’s coming with you when you gets the results!”  
“Goods, I has no problems wit’ dat. It’ll probablies be fines? Buts you nevers know.”

*****

Two weeks later, the process was complete. All fifty of the random and unlabeled samples had been tested, and Charles called Skwisgaar to come hear the results. He didn’t bother calling Jamie, he expected they’d turn up together for this either way.  
And he wasn’t wrong, though he hadn’t expected Toki to be with them as well.  
He probably should have expected that. “Very well, come in. All of you.”  
They sat on the couch, Toki in the middle between the marching Skwisgaars.

“Well, I’m assuming you two were indeed included in these tests, as requested?”  
They both just nodded.  
“I’ll get right to the point, there were no matches. None of the tests showed siblings, half siblings, or close relations of any kind.”  
All three of them seemed relieved to hear that.

Annoyed that he didn’t know which one was Jamie, he addressed them in general, “Jamie, I’ll be blunt about this. I want you gone. You’ve served a purpose, but there’s no good reason for you to remain any longer and I won’t have someone I can’t trust living here.”  
He got a reaction, but from Toki. “Noes you can’ts makes him leaves! That’s bullshits!”  
“I’ve made uo my mind, they’re waiting on my call.” He turned to his desk.

From behind him, Charles heard his own voice. “That was, ah, just a drill. I repeat, cancel that order.” He turned to see Jamie on his feet.  
“I’ve never used it! I’m just letting you know that I can.” He nervously stood his ground as the others watched, having no idea how this would play out. Fuck it, he’d gone this far, Jamie switched to the band’s voices, “Because you’re always giving orders! Dood you should jest chill out sahmtimes, becausche the schtressch can’t be good for you.”  
Charles froze, everyone froze. His Nathan impression was a little off, he didn’t have the same power behind it, but still good enough to fool most everyone. The others were flawless.

As an afterthought, Jamie added Toki, “Why’s you gots to be such a robots all the times?” He glanced at Toki for his reaction, he’d never done that in front of him before.  
Fortunately Toki was impressed instead of creeped out, and happy to be included.  
Unfortunately, Charles grabbed Jamie and slammed him against the wall. This level of insubordination was unheard of, no one made threats like these and lived!  
Jamie closed his eyes.

Toki jumped on Charles’s back, trying to pull him off.  
Reflexively, Charles threw him off and part way across the room.  
Skwisgaar jumped between Jamie and Charles, knowing the manager wouldn’t intentionally attack Toki, knowing where the real danger was.  
“Owie.” Toki got up, rubbing his back, and stalked back over to stand beside Skwisgaar.

“Toki, are you okay?” It wasn’t an apology, but it was concern.  
“I fights you if you tries to hurts him!” Apparently he was fine, but mad.  
“This man is a threat to your safety, I’m doing what’s best for you. This is my job, what I’ve always done.”  
Skwisgaar pulled rank, which was a very rare thing. “You ams forgettings dat you works for _us_. I says he stays and you leaves him alones. Gots dat?”

“Skwisgaar, try to be reasonable-“  
“ _Does you understands me_ , robot?”  
“Yeah, you works for us, leaves Jamie alones!”  
“ _Fine._ ” Charles knew when he was in a corner. “Get him out of my sight.”

They left the office, and Skwisgaar steered them toward the main band area. “We has to tell de udders so they knows so plays along if he tries to be tricksing dem, comes on.”  
Jamie was being Skwisgaar again, just in case, but stayed quiet. He knew he shouldn’t have pulled that in there, but he didn’t like to be threatened. He’d probably made everything worse now.  
Toki patted Jamie on the shoulder, knowing, but had nothing to offer. He’d never been able to stop Dr. Rockso from being beaten, but maybe Skwisgaar had more authority?  
The whole band together though, they were stronger.

They found the rest of them watching tv, as expected at this hour. Skwisgaar turned it off, instantly getting their attention. “Listens, de managers jus’ tries to kills Jays, I needs alls of you to be pretendings dat he ams me anytime you sees him even if you knows he’s not. Okay?”  
“Dood, thet’s fecked up! Thet he tried, I mean, nawt what yer asking. Yeah we can do thet.”  
“Wow you must have really pissed him off! But I’m in.”  
“Schure. Juscht act like him scho we don’t forget.”

“Thanks. I know you don’t know me well, I really appreciate you going along with this.”  
“We think of you as Skwisgaar. We can’t tell the difference most of the time, makes it easier.” Nathan thought about it some more, “And creepier.”  
“Sorry.” Jamie shrugged, he knew it was creepy, couldn’t help that part.  
Pickles had decided it was all good. “Besides, you’ve lived with us fer a rally long time anyway, yer practically one of us.”

“Okay t’ank you guys, I appreciates dis.” Skwisgaar was still worried. "Comes on, Jays, we has gots more to be discussing.”  
Since nobody said otherwise, Toki decided to keep following along and they headed for Skwisgaar’s room.  
They were getting reactions from gears they passed, as much reaction that a hooded person could show anyway. Seeing two matching Skwisgaars wasn’t something anyone ever expected. They’d never done this openly, one of them always wore a hood, but now they were fucking with everyone’s heads. That was good though, probably. It would hopefully at least make the gears hesitate if orders were given.

In Skwisgaar’s room, Jamie spoke first. “Look, I’m going to clear out for a while, if you think you’re good?”  
“Ja goods idea, takes a vacations. But when you comes back we needs to be switchings a lots more so nobodies can figures it out.”  
“I thoughts of something we forgets!” Toki had a new worry now. “Whats if he tries to tell by makings us kiss?!”  
“Oh boy. Well I guess I can do that, if we have to, if neither of you mind?”  
“I can be livings wit’ it, if dat’s what it takes.”

“But how’s I supposed to knows when it’s yous if you can’ts be yous?! I don’t likes it! You learns how to copies his everythings!”  
“Toki, I’ll... never use tongue? Does that work? Man, I’m sorry.”  
“Or we can jus’ be refusing to kisses him for dat reason, like we refuses to plays de guitars.”  
“Oh. Yeah, let’s go with that, easier for everyone.”

“Okays!” Well everything seemed to be as resolved as it was going to get for now. “Well Jays, checks in sometimes and lets me knows when you ams back home.”  
“Got it. I’ll see you both later. Let me know when things are less homicidal around here.”  
“Ja, goes makes anudder movie or somet’ings.”  
“I might! I actually got an offer the other day, I should give them a call...” And he was gone.

“Toki, dids you know he ams still doesing movies?”  
“Noes, I thought it was just that tv shows!”  
“Waits, whats dis abouts a tv shows?”  
“I don’ts know which one, he won’ts tell me! But he does all the voices for everybodies.”

“Pfft, cartoons den. You probably already watches it and don’ts even knows. Oh and dis is funnies, de robot thoughts he was a porns star.”  
Toki didn’t laugh as expected. “He mights be? Which one of yous did they gets on the security cameras fucking all those goils in that store when you makes that bet with Moiderface?”  
“Dat was me.”  
“Oh, I guess he’s not a porns star then.”

Then Toki thought of something else, “Skwisgaar? Whats if you really does have a brothers or sisters? Charles hads to gets the idea from somewhere.”  
“Shit, you gots a goods point.” He sighed. “I guess I am goings to has to call mine moms and asks her, pfft.” He got out his phone.  
“Wants me to leaves?”  
“Don’ts bother, I ams sure dis won’ts be a long conversations.” He put it on speaker, because why the hell not.

She answered quickly, “Skwisgaar! You never call me!”  
“Ja, but I has to asks you somet’ing and you ams de only one who knows.”  
“Of course I can come visit!”  
“No! Nots dat, please don’ts come. All you does is fucks everybodies anyways.”

“You want to come home and visit me? Toki can come to, if you want. Is he listening? Hi Toki!”  
Toki looked worried. “Um, hi?”  
“Nobody ams visiting nobody, okays? I jus’ has a question!”  
“Fine what did you want to ask me about?” Her tone was suddenly cold.

“Somebody tolds me dat you has anudder kids a few years befores me, ams dat true?”  
“That’s none of your business.”  
“I jus’ needs to knows if I has a brother or sisters out dere. At least tells me dat much, I don’t wants to be accidently fucksing mine sister or somet’ing.”  
“You don’t have a brother or sister out there.”

That was a relief. “You ams sures?”  
“Well, your father may have more kids, I don’t know anything about that, but I don’t.”  
“Oh greats, mine mysterious dads dat you don’ts even know who he ams. Now you gives me a whole lots more to be worries about, t’anks for dat.”  
“We’re not having this conversation again. Goodbye Skwisgaar, call me again sometime or come visit.” She ended the call.

Skwisgaar just stared at his phone. “Greats, insteads of one I has to be worries abouts I don’ts even knows how many.”  
“Well, at leasts you knows that I’s not one of them! Or Jamie eithers, or... fourty-sevens of the hoods guys.”  
“Ja, I guess we gots dat much goings for us.” He checked the time, “Oh looks, it ams about hots tub booze time, and I needs a drinks. Let’s goes joins dem.”  
And they went.

**Author's Note:**

> Random fact: Jamie is actually short or Jamison, which is his last name, and not James as most people assume. But he’ll never actually tell anyone even that much, he’s a secretive fucker.


End file.
